Apartment Story

The five best rides at Walt Disney World

2012-01-18T11:15:00.002-06:00

When the print division of my Cat Plaza media empire folded, I decided to continue the Cat Plaza journalism tradition as best as possible online. This December, I spent seven days at WDW in Orlando, Florida. While there, as usual, I became interested in the history, politics, and operations of Walt Disney World, which, in my opinion, is the North American tourist destination. I would have included this article in the next zine, but instead, it is presented here for your study and comment.

I will examine each of the five rides through a particular lens. These lenses can be used on really anything in the World. Click through for the list.

5. Saccharine Overload: it's a small world
Disney's imagineers built it's a small world for the 1964 World's Fair in New York. A success, they transported it to Disneyland in Anaheim, where it continues to operate. The Magic Kingdom unveiled its own version in 1971.

Over 300 dolls from around the world dance in various formations repeating the cloyingly sweet theme song. Boats move slowly through the sets, and riders are bombarded by the tune for what seems like forever. What makes it's a small world (use of the lower-case theirs) so powerful is its ability to utterly crush you with its sweetness. The song lodges itself in your skull, bounces around for hours or until you fall asleep as dolls parade on the backs of your eyelids. It's a visually-stunning and some say racist portrayal of the world's children that leaves passengers in a Manchurian Candidate-like trance. No ride in the World forces you to succumb like that. Get out of line at Dumbo and convince your kids that they can do better. They're just going to fly around at the top anyway.

4. Onboard Soundtrack: Dinosaur
Dinosaur, nestled in the Dinoland USA portion of Disney's Animal Kingdom, takes riders on a journey back into time to save the Iguanadon from extinction. Of course, stuff goes wrong, and your time rover might not make it back. Holy Moley, the audioanimatronic carnivores are scary too!

Dinosaur really succeeds because of its onboard soundtrack. The clear voices and music amplify the drama happening outside your car and provide a clear plot that anyone can follow. Other rides around the World employ onboard soundtracks (Test Track, Spaceship Earth), but none do it as well. So much else about the ride rocks too. You can imagine my dismay (and pleasure) at there being no lines during much of our trip. Will Dinosaur survive purgings at Animal Kingdom? Or will it go extinct like the dinosaurs inside? Well, that paragraph ended nicely.

3. Line Management: Mission: SPACE
Mission: SPACE took the place of Horizons at EPCOT in 2003. Walt Disney---and now that he's died, the rich men who (kind of, I mean, how would Walt really feel about EPCOT?) carry on his legacy---was fascinated by space exploration. Is Mission: SPACE the logical conclusion of this yearning to meet aliens, to introduce their piddly minds to the glory of Mickey Mouse? Let's hope so, as there are a jillion better issues to explore and spend $$$ on, and besides, EPCOT's been compromised enough.

All criticism aside, Mission: SPACE is a great experiment in line management and a great ride. When you queue, a cast member asks if you'd prefer to join the orange or green team. The green team---God bless them---don't ride Mission: SPACE as its intended to be ridden. They never spin (which is the whole point of the ride), and thus, they don't feel the g-forces, space-like pressure, the thrill.

It seems like all people talk about when they're in that area of the park is whether or not they're cut out for the orange team. Wimps defect to the green team constantly. Even I get nervous, and I'm a real coaster enthusiast. There are warnings, barf bags, mechanisms for coping with the stress (don't look sideways or eat an hour beforehand). Mission: SPACE's line is almost as entertaining as the ride itself, and that's impressive since the ride is a treat. It made me cry, and I only cry during The West Wing.

2. Infrastructure: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror
When Walt Disney purchased the nearly 30k acres which comprise WDW in 1965, he used dummy corporations to keep land speculation down. Then, he essentially built the Magic Kingdom on stilts because the land is swampland. Man-made lakes, canals, trees, mountains...it's all there at WDW. Civil engineering heaven.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this counts as infrastructure, but the Tower of Terror is housed inside the skeleton of a hotel at one end of the Disney's Hollywood Studios. You can see the brown facade from points all around WDW. They could have built one of these, but of course, the imagineers wanted more. Disney goes to great lengths to make rides that are not only thrilling, but aesthetically pleasing and thematically coherent/ interesting.

1. Darkness: Space Mountain
Space Mountain is WDW's finest ride, and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased by C. A pair of rollercoasters housed inside a 183 foot tall white 'mountain,' Space Mountain's been in operation since 1975. Not without improvements, of course. Seriously, how dope is that structure?

The ride fails without its conceit: darkness. Without darkness, Space Mountain is nothing. Its rockets max out at 28 MPH, but in total darkness, they seem to speed. The turns are jarring. The dips are thrilling. Fortunately, Disney hasn't cut all of the retro-futuristic charms: the spacemen by the lift, the holograms in line, the projected novas on the ceiling. I'd prefer a return to the cheesy 70s orange motif, but you can't win 'em all. I don't love the renovation either.

Space Mountain is a milestone for young riders just tall enough, a Fastpass necessity, and a beacon in what is perhaps the Magic Kingdom's most interesting land. Don't reach out too far or you'll need to consult with Captain Hook.

James Michener

2012-01-13T10:31:00.000-06:00

I finished Chesapeake. Took months but I finally finished it. You see, reading a James Michener novel cover-to-cover is a challenge. Check this picture; dude knew how to research, and it all came out on paper. According to Wiki, he wrote 12-15 hours a day and kept a 'filing system' which had trouble 'keeping up.' Brings to mind a filing robot with telescopic arms overheating during the penning of Mexico.

A Michener novel is the perfect antidote to internet addiction, I swear. All books are, really, but Michener's are particularly good for it. His bricks inhabit your life---your nightstand, bookbag---remind you to put down the laptop and step into another world. That's how it felt for me anyway; ashamed about refreshing facebook and twitter for the third time that hour, I'd retire and knock out a chapter.

For books that are intrinsically concerned with time, Michener's books feel timeless. They put the present on pause, transport you back (corny, I know, bear with me), and allow you to unplug from your hyper-connected life, allow you to care deeply about Hugo Pflaum's quest to confiscate the Turlock's long gun called the Twombly, a gun which annihilates hundreds of ducks/ geese with each shot. Allow you to feel sad when Pentaquod dies, his tribe decimated, the future of Indians in serious trouble. Allow you to bear witness to the lives of Quakers, Catholics, Protestants, slaves, John Calhoun, arsters, and flocks of geese.

Common criticism: underdeveloped characters, formulaic writing, endlessly detailed passages. Readers with these problems have a right to them, but they miss the point. Michener needs to examine the spirit of a place. Always, that is the purpose. I'm now imbued with the spirit of Chesapeake bay; I hunger for schooners, for that a succulent goose in my rotund Winter belly. More importantly, perhaps, I'm hungry to go somewhere else. On my shelf: Texas, Caribbean, The Covenant, and Alaska. Not right now, necessarily, but when I'm editing a tweet for characters or memorizing the tracklist for an inconsequential album, I'll get fed up and return to that beautiful man's world.

PS - People have taken to writing Twitter novels. Only wish Michener could comment. There is no way, not now and not ever, that these can be successful. Give me a fucking break. Half-assed song lyric micro-meta garbage.

The year in review: books

2011-12-31T09:51:00.006-06:00

I read 52 books this year, which, if you account for the varying lengths and difficulties, is still a lot of reading. Proud of myself. Also aware that it's my job to read. In 2012, I pledge to read more and to be less tempted by the internet and its surface pleasures. Let's do it together!

On with the show! I've considered my grand list, and here are ten top-tier books from 2011.

David Foster Wallace - Oblivion
Tom Grimes - Mentor

EL Doctorow - Ragtime
Eric Larson - The Devil in the White City
Judy Budnitz - Nice Big American Baby

Randy Shilts - And the Band Played On

JG Ballard - High Rise

Chad Harbach - The Art of Fielding

Dave Zirin - Welcome to the Terrordome

James Michener - Chesapeake

The work of Judy Budnitz endeared itself to me more than the work of any other author in 2011. I came to her like I come to many authors: via a Google search and scouring lists. K and I read Nice Big American Baby on our way home from Canada. Cautionary/ celebratory stories of motherhood, pregnancy, and love in America. Just totally bizarre, hilarious, and deeply sad stories. Flawless collection, the best book I read in 2011.

Her first collection Flying Leap starts strong and ends poorly---worth a read for completists. In her novel, If I Told You Once, Judy systematically sheds male characters until there are only women left, four generations crammed into a tiny apartment.

I lament my male-dominated list. Perhaps in 2012, I too will shed men. Nine women to one man. It could happen. Or perhaps, like the characters in If I Told You Once, I'll revert to the old ways, and 2012's list will be the same, except with 9 new guys. What I'm saying is, keep me honest blogspot. Diverse reading habits! What I'm saying is, Nice Big American Baby came out in 2005, and it's about time for some new Budnitz, don't cha think?

A man can dream in 2011. Tonight, with Biggs Stache (and whatever Marc digs out the cellar) on the cerebellum, I'll dream of a new Judy Budnitz novel, and of all the books I'll read in 2012. If the world ends, my blog will live on in the ether. If the world ends, I will blast our greatest texts into space for our extraterrestrial pals. If the world ends, I'll blog in the afterlife.

Songs from 2011 - Part 10 - Spidey's Curse

2011-12-30T11:11:00.000-06:00

A little research reveals that Mark Ronson produced the new Black Lips record, and a little more research reveals this fella manned the boards on records by powerhouses Nas and Wale, as well as on a record by someone named Adele, whose Limp Bizkit cover, "Keep Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' in the Deep," wowed critics this year.

Not surprised Arabia Mountain sounds so good anymore. Psychedelic punk with nods to the 60s. I hear King Khan and the Shrines too.

I only wish the songs were better. Some are good and many are so-so, but "Spidey's Curse" is a stunner. The vocal melody takes surprising turns, and it turns me on. I also vibe on that lead guitar line. Bonus points for the dumb lyrics.

Christmas Vacation

2011-12-24T20:53:00.002-06:00

Fuckmas Eve!

2011-12-24T06:46:00.002-06:00

Songs from 2011 - Part 9 - Queen of Hearts

2011-12-21T19:10:00.000-06:00

In this interview, Fucked Up's Damian Abraham talks about a touring version of the band, one without him as vocalist. I say he's got it backwards. Fucked Up rules live because he's got the mic. What I want from Fucked Up are more guest vocalists on-record, a paring-down of Damian's role. Fucked Up's hour-long records, such as 2011's David Comes to Life, wear on me because of that bark that I adore so much in person.

That in mind, "Queen of Hearts" is the finest song on DCTL. The guitars are layered gorgeously, Damian gets two minutes to do his thing, and then it's the triumphant break for the female vocalist. The latest iteration of Fucked Up needs this song as a template. I want a record of songs like "Queen of Hearts."

Songs from 2011 - Part 8 - All the Sun that Shines

2011-12-15T13:15:00.000-06:00

It's the best time of the year for people who follow online music journalism. What I do is cross-check the year-end lists, note the records that keep cropping up, listen to them in rapid succession, and winnow out the wack (like Kate Bush, Youth Lagoon, Liturgy, Bon Iver, Beyonce, Drake, Joyce Manor, Adele, James Blake, and on and on) from the dope (Black Lips, Paul Simon, James Ferraro, Julianna Barwick...).

The lists also remind me about what I should have listened to all along. The distinctive cover of Peaking Lights's 2011 release, 936, caught my eye since spring. Worried that it might be standard psych rock revival, I ignored it. Joke was on me, though, because it's wonderful.

I mostly get down to "All the Sun that Shines" and "Birds of Paradise Dub Version." Deep grooves, reverbed chant vocals, spaced-out synths. "All the Sun" even begins like "Kokomo," which should clue you in to the sunshining mood that prevails. Peaking Lights were a nice surprise.

Songs from 2011 - Part 7 - Blue Eyes

2011-12-07T17:40:00.002-06:00

Destroyer's new album, Kaputt, seemed destined to garner hype for a week and then disappear. A record with its quirks (corny saxophone, corny keys, corny everything) should not be enduring. Too many bands recycle 80s tropes, but we don't include Dan Bejar in that conversation because he's motherfucking Destroyer, and he's been on his game for like two decades. For me and for a lot of the internet with year-end lists, Kaputt was durable and worthy of revisiting. "Blue Eyes," with its quick start, sultry female backing vocalists, and laid-back groove stood out to me, but I wouldn't blame you if you prefer "Chinatown," "Savage Night," or "Poor In Love." Don't be ashamed or disgusted with yourselves.

Unfortunate end-note: Kaputt didn't work live for me at p4k.

Songs from 2011 - Part 6 - Sad Girls

2011-12-01T09:24:00.000-06:00

I first heard Big Troubles while panning for Gold Zounds, and I thought they were great. That song, though, was from their first lp, and it sounds totally different from the offerings on 2011's Romantic Comedy. The song-writing is better on Romantic Comedy, but I hold the squelchy production on Worry close to my heart. They switched labels, and that's okay, because Slumberland took the reins from Sarah Records.

"Sad Girls" is endlessly addictive with its sweet melody and melodramatic lyrics. Great record, great band.

Songs from 2011 - Part 5 - Doughnut for a Snowman

2011-11-22T11:33:00.002-06:00

Could it be that all Robert Pollard needs to make another stellar lp is the name Guided By Voices? The solo work since 2006's From a Compound Eye has been marginal, at best. Boston Spaceships were sorta cool, but I'm still listening to Alien Lanes when push comes to shove.

"Doughnut for a Snowman" is the second mp3 from the new album Let's Go Eat the Factory. The first was "The Unsinkable Fats Domino." Whereas that sounded like a wack solo-Pollard deep cut, "Doughnut" is the best song he's put out since songs from FACE. That record is phenomenal, in case you couldn't tell, and so is "Doughnut." It's not "classic" in most senses; it's a mid-fi, mid-tempo Pollard vehicle that sounds like a solo cut. But it's the flourishes that make GBV records from Pollard songs, and this one's got loads: the bizarre pan flute intro, the subtle orchestration, and the abstract lyrics.

The hammer, of course, is Tobin Sprout. As usual, his backing vocals complete the song. His entrance at the second verse is so welcomed, and before we can tire of "Doughnut," GBV ends it. Now that's classic.

"When everything goes right for her, when everything goes wroooonggg."

My week in media: October

2011-10-13T00:11:00.001-05:00

Fake NPR piece for creative writing 101.

There has never been a better time to drink beer in America, and with the economy in shambles, it’s tempting to reach for the cheapest option on the menu, but savvy drinkers turn to craft beers for superior tastes and experiences.

My story begins at 2:30 A.M. on a Saturday morning in October, which is when my friend Marc rouses me from sleep. We drowsily get in the car, merge onto the highway, and embark on a three-hour car ride to Founders Brewing Company in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Founded in 1997, Founders brews some of America’s finest craft beers including Cerise Cherry-Fermented Ale and Dirty Bastard Scotch Ale. As we careen toward The Great Lakes State, only one thing comes to mind: Canadian Breakfast Stout, or CBS, for short.

CBS has a legendary reputation in craft beer circles. It is a double chocolate coffee oatmeal stout aged in bourbon and maple syrup barrels. It pours dark as oil, caresses the palate like fine wine, and commands a rabid following. When we arrive at the brewery at 7:30 A.M., a line of 300 has already formed. We take our spot at the end and wait.

The local temperature hovers at fifty degrees. The sun refuses to peak. Antsy connoisseurs jog in place to stay warm, and the smart ones drink beer. Marc and I have forgotten our stash, and so we endure the wait soberly.

At 11 A.M., after three-plus hours of waiting, of paying our dues, the line moves. It takes another hour to get to the front. There, we buy two bottles apiece at eighteen dollars a bottle. Each bottle holds 750 mL of beer, and since there are fewer than 2000 bottles total, the investment is wise. We now own one of the rarest beers in America.

In the tap room where glasses clink, Marc and I get our first taste of CBS, and it is impeccable. It goes down smooth and wows me with each sip. It is dessert. It is liqueur. No, it is beer, and it is one of the finer beers I have tried, and likely will try.

When we return home, bottles have already hit eBay. They will fetch upwards of one-hundred dollars. I list one of my bottles, and it sells for eighty-two, a return of sixty-four dollars and enough money to cover that weekend’s expenses. Leave it to Americans to buy extra beer to flip on the internet for 500% profit.

The American craft beer scene is having a moment right now. Lifelong beer drinkers have new options at the local tavern. When I drink a Miller or Bud, I mourn the people who won’t get to or don’t care to sample something better. But then I smile because artisans like the brewmasters at Founders stand up to corporate brewers and show them we can do it better. They embody the American entrepreneurial spirit. Cheers to them.

Songs from 2011 - Part 4 - Jamie Marie

2011-09-29T09:44:00.002-05:00

If tonight's sold-out show at Lincoln Hall is any indication, the hype surrounding San Francisco's Girls is outta control. I watched a 20 minute interview they did with John Norris, fer Chrissake. On the other hand, they deserve the hype because the record is terrific. It's the best to come out this year, and I am obsessed with it.

Here's the cut that the hypebeasts keep missing. It's "Jamie Marie," and it closes Father, Son, Holy Ghost. I guess it's easy to ignore a song when the full band doesn't participate, but check out these lyrics. Goddamnit, those are some poignant break-up lyrics. Almost wanna break up to wallow in them all the way. Crystal-clear electric guitar playing from my savior Chris Owens, followed by the thrilling full-band organ-solo drop-in take this shit into the next stratosphere, and also to the top of my carefully monitored top 25 on iTunes and last.fm. In case there was any doubt about whether or not I really like the music I post.

The Friend Zone - Double Standards We Like

2011-09-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

Here's the latest offering from my band, The Friend Zone. This 4-song EP spent a long time in development, and I'm glad it's finally here to pass around. Sonically, I prefer it to our first EP---louder music and vocals that echo way back in the mix. Songwriting-wise, you'll hear the influence/worship/plagiarism of Weezer, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Lemonheads, and The Strokes. The usual suspects (GBV, The Beach Boys, Jay Reatard) also appear.

Please follow the official tumblr. You'll notice that the presentation of the EP looks different there, as I assume only my friends will care about the nitty-gritty in this post. Jah bless.

Download

Songs from 2011 - Part 3 - Believer

2011-08-22T10:57:00.000-05:00

A friend recommended John Maus's Heaven is Real to me years ago on the strength of the song "Do Your Best." I loved that record then, but it took Maus four years to follow it up and I forgot about him.

"Believer" is Maus's best song yet. Like "Do Your Best," "Believer" relies on bass drum on the 2s and 4s and a plodding bass line keep the pulsing, antiquated synths in check, and when he sings they call me the believer! I must take his word for it. "Believer" is a song from another time and place---maybe space, maybe the future, or maybe the past. It's just about the finest thing I've heard this year. I'm especially fond of the bridge and final choruses. You'll see this one on year-end lists, believe me.

Songs from 2011 - Part 2 - Out of the Eye

2011-08-11T09:47:00.001-05:00

In 2009, Woods damaged the flow of their new LP Songs of Shame by slotting "September With Pete" fourth. Normally I approve of risky decisions like this, but the song is bad. And long. I skip it, and you probably do too. Check the play count on iTunes.
And it's a shame because Woods can create memorable experimental sounds. When they performed at Pitchfork Fest 2011, their jams weren't the best part, but they weren't bad either, not like "September" is.

The new album Sun and Shade is good. "Pushing Onlys" and "Who Do I Think I Am?" probably should be my songs of 2011, but here's "Out of the Eye," in which Woods uses their homemade sonics to write a Neu! song. Motorik drumming, psych guitar, and that distant echo-y noise thing that only Woods' weirdo with the headset can make. It's like we're back in '77. Not as thrilling as "Negativland" but what is? Sun and Shade has one other long song, and while not as memorable, it also doesn't point so obviously to one genre or musical movement like "Out of the Eye". This might appeal to you, oh dear listener. Woods in 2k11: writing the complete LP.

Songs from 2011 - Part 1 - If You Leave...

2011-08-03T10:17:00.000-05:00

Last year, I started talking about my favorite songs in September, but mostly in December when everyone else was talking about them. I denied my readers access to great music because of it, and I apologize---oh my god---I'm sorry. You could have been downloading instead of carrying on with your lives.

Anyway, it's useful to talk about these things now, so here goes.

The Men nearly de-mapped you last year with songs like "Lazarus" from their lp Immaculada. This year, they're back with Leave Home, a ripper on Sacred Bones (check out their offerings). As with "Lazarus," "If You Leave..." opens with noise/ feedback/ fuzz/ a preview of the noisy music to come, and then launches into a delayed, reverb-y shoegaze jam. The rest of the record is mean.

I only mention it because they're playing in Chicago next Friday. How come Googling "The Men Show Chicago" didn't turn up what I wanted? (Got weirder when I included "hardcore").

My week in media: June & July

2011-07-19T19:19:00.001-05:00

"It's good to be back in the USA. Fuck anybody that tells you it isn't the best country in the world."

Bradford Cox, a hero of mine, said this at Pitchfork Festival 2011 during a set that confirms my belief that his band Deerhunter is on top of their game, has been for years, hopefully will be for time to come. This post isn't about Deerhunter, but it is about the USA and an unusual influx of patriotic media on my brainstem.

I started watching The West Wing. It's an excellent drama (-edy? Usually really funny!) about a fictional president and his crew. The characters work too much, walk around all day, sometimes care very much about things, attempt to cultivate social lives, and then walk around some more. They never walk around and drink some more. They sit when they drink. Regardless, each episode has (so far) been superb or at least compelling. My complaint is the same as other people's: The West Wing's corny Full House-ish sentimental network television music and idealism are sometimes blushworthy. But sometimes they feel so good, too. What would DFW say? Is The West Wing the least ironic show in recent memory? No se.

Then there's All the King's Men, Robert Rossen's Best Picture-winning (1949) adaptation of Robert Penn Warren's book of the same name. Main character and humble everyguy Willie Stark (Academy Award winner Broderick Crawford) works his way up from nothing and then breaks bad so hard. His platform of for-the-people and by-the-people--he calls himself a hick---gets convoluted by money and big politics and power tripping and all that. He's a sensation, a governor with Presidential potential. It's Grapes of Wrath, Manchurian Candidate, and All the President's Men (whoa) with probably five newspaper headline montages to boot. It's barely remembered. What a shame.

Finally, E.L. Doctorow's Ragtime is the finest book I've read this year. The main characters---a family in chic New Rochelle, NY---encounter the poor and the very rich. Doctorow creates an American tapestry. Historical figures are characters. Henry Ford and J.P. Morgan have a dinner date. Harry Houdini gets existential. Booker T. Washington mediates a police standoff. If that isn't enough, it has one of the most memorable race conflicts since To Kill a Mockingbird.

If the United States isn't the best country, it's got to be the best at thinking about whether or not it is.

Did you hear? Bats in the Belfry - In Bloom

2011-06-15T09:45:00.004-05:00

The greatest feeling comes after finals are over. Instead of falling asleep---which is what you should do, considering your punk-ass is running on Rockstar and Doritos---you start to play guitar. You've neglected it in the last month, and the chords come difficultly at first---not to mention, it is hot in your dorm room. The college will not install AC for whatever reason---a choice that's alienating potential students---and it is making these new songs you write sound sluggish. If not sluggish, then slow. You cannot top 100 BPM, but you've found your voice and some simple melodic lines that please you, and you've called in your buddies for backup. Your vacation record is in the works.

In Bloom by Bats in the Belfry is evocative summer music that defeats the ridiculous notion that music needs to be technical or showy to be good. Basic but tasteful guitar playing anchors the affair. Kellen Shipley---Bats in the Belfry's mastermind---projects his voice as if into an empty gym or humid night. His harmonizers come in at all the right times. Shipley eschews the lo-fi recording techniques employed by his peers and retains his amateur charm in this way. By not hiding in murky production, Bats in the Belfry achieve the timelessness that comes from recording onto tape (which I assume they did).

So what influences are there? Of course, In Bloom means Nirvana, but Bats in the Belfry don't share Nirvana's penchant for rhythmic pummeling and misanthropic lyrics. In fact, the lyrics sound heartfelt and unironic. It's a welcome diversion from tongue-in-cheek indie bullshit, and it calls to mind the powerful Galaxie 500. The music is there too. You ought to be listening to Galaxie 500.

In Bloom first appeared as a cd-r on Rover. Labelmates to Sean McCann and Horse Marriage. Why are cd-rs cool? Help needed, mind cannot grasp the appeal. Edition of 100, sold out. As a result, limited access and few last.fm listeners. That should change. On the other hand, it was fun to research a mysterious band for once. Bats in the Belfry were a welcome surprise.

Get it here!

Bad Movie Society - Nic Cage

2011-06-08T18:36:00.002-05:00

If it weren't for Nic Cage, 1993's Deadfall would have been on a Fred Claus level. Dig writer/ director Christopher Coppola for a moment. When he's not Ali G'ing hard on his imdb page, he's creating pieces of crap such as Deadfall. Plot needed serious resuscitation. Cliches abounded. Just festering work, really.

On the other hand, Cage turns in a maniacal performance as con artist Eddie. Channeling Frank Booth in the worst way, Cage mumbles, then yells, and then fights his way to an untimely death in a deep fryer. Viva la fuckin' France, man. Please help me find his Deadfall highlight reel on Youtube.

Then there was Know1ng. Yes, it's spelled with a 1. Completely unacceptable film about the world's end. Mix The Da Vinci Code with Signs with third-rate sci-fi, and you've got an abomination replete with time capsules, psychopathic-soothsaying dead grandmothers, and a race to save the movie's children. Cage's performance is subdued in comparison, but that doesn't mean Know1ng is worse. It's a better film than Deadfall. Deadfall is classic 'dear filmmakers, don't do this ever' fodder. Pure WGN sports rain-delay material.

Bringing Out the Dead should have been better. Martin Scorsese directed it. You know him because he's awesome. Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, Casino...need I go on? He's the man, and yet, his '99 film about Cage as a desperate NY ambulance driver is confusing and uninspired.

So we haven't had much luck with minor Nicolas Cage, and yet, I want to see Wicker Man badly.

The Killing: Boom or Bust?

2011-05-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

The Killing's developer, Veena Sud, knows that her new AMC show exists within the conversation about Twin Peaks. She can't ignore Twin Peaks's legacy or the guideposts Lynch and Frost set up twenty years ago. I wonder why writers would even try a murder-mystery television drama given that it was done nearly perfectly then. Nevertheless, Sud tries, and she invites the comparisons with taglines like "Who killed Rosie Larsen?" and by setting the show in Seattle. Fortunately, The Killing is its own show, not just bait for Twin Peaks's fanboys and girls, and I'm caught up/ addicted.

Relative newcomer Mireille Enos is the main character. As detective Linden, she follows leads which take her all over Seattle in pursuit of Rosie's killer. These assignments are ruining her social life, and though her engagement to Rick (Callum Keith Rennie) provides the show with a clock or countdown, meaning, she better get back to him before he leaves her, that aspect of the show is not well-developed or necessary. I groan each time he calls or they fight.

Holder (Joel Kinnaman) is Linden's sidekick. He challenges the rules of police behavior every couple of minutes and is wonderfully rough around the edges. Might have a drug problem too. Hope so. Politician and Seattle mayoral candidate Darren Richmond (Billy Campbell) can't decide on the type of campaign he wants to run, whether he's a good guy or scumbag politician as winning politicians tend to be, or if he's capable of distancing himself from the Rosie Larsen murder case in which he is tangled.

Twin Peaks gave us all the suspects in the pilot. I can't remember who Rosie Larsen's suspects were in episode two, but they are memory now, and I feel like the current suspects will be memory soon, too. In other words, the plot thickens, the world spins, and The Killing becomes more engaging.

Seattle's gloom naturally influences the way the show looks, and the gloomy grays, greens, and blues, coupled with the slow pace of the show, makes The Killing a heavy but visually sound hour of television. The soundtrack is twinkly and a little too CBS for my tastes, but that's fine. Neko Case's song "Hold On, Hold On" finds its way onto episode 5, and I had never heard her before. Opened my laptop, typed furiously, and was like whoa, another New Pornographers member who does it better on their own.

Eventually, and Twin Peaks had this problem too, Rosie's killer needs to be caught. And then what happens to The Killing? The Twin Peaks people had some options because of the surrealism they'd established, but still, look what happened: chess games, inter-dimensional buildings, grown women thinking they're cheerleaders, and this. Am I signing up for another soap opera by way of murder? Hopefully not, and when the time comes to reveal Rosie's killer, here's hoping AMC gives the show a couple of episodes denouement and pulls the plug.

My week in media: Apr. 24-30

2011-05-01T14:54:00.000-05:00

Been thinking about heavy stuff lately: heavy beers via Dark Lord Day 2011 and heavy breakdowns via Hum's "Dreamboat." When we made it through the Three Floyds gates ~10:30, the crowd was already thick. We got into the guest taps line and bought two beers apiece. Ferrari and I traded often because that's what friends do. I drank Pizza Port Doheny double IPA and he had Bruery Saison De Lente. U probably haven't even heard of those; suck it. We made it through the guest taps line twice more. Highlights included Cigar City Big Sound Scotch Ale, Stone Double Bastard w/Chipotle, and Southern Tier Mokah. Zombie Dust was snorted too, of course.

While we were in line for the guest taps, a familiar tune came on. It was "Angel of Death" by Slayer. You know and love this song for it is the opening track on Reign In Blood. Everyone's ears perked when the big mosh part came in at 1:30. The clever disc jockey reminded us that beer is best paired with mosh parts.

The Dark Lord bottle line took less than an hour to get through, and though we didn't win limited edition bottles, i.e., el Muerte, we bought our limits of 4 bottles, left happy (except for Ferrari, who will never be happy unless he finds el muerte, you can be his hero, baby, here), and even got to sample some 2010 stock when a generous bro cracked one and shared the wealth. Dude seriously topped us off 4 times. One of the noblest lords.

The grandest achievement in modern music is the perfectly executed breakdown or mosh part or sludge part or overall heavy part within the alternative/ non-hc/metal song. "Dreamboat" is a fine example and so is "Geek USA." Please recommend me more moments like these. They are the black truffles in my sonic universe. They are the tulip glass to my stout brew, my passion.

Drinking: Three Floyds Dark Lord 2011

Did you hear? Women

2011-04-23T19:31:00.000-05:00

On their 2010 masterpiece, Public Strain, Calgary's Women took the best elements from their self-titled debut---the daring instrumentals, well-crafted pop songs, and thin recording---to create a cohesive and haunted record. Women's music lands in This Heat's, Bauhaus's, and Gang of Four's backyard, but it's also made its own backyard, and you know what, people compare bands to Women now.

Here are 3 unreleased tracks. If you have more or know where to get more, comment please. I'd also like the vinyl. Sell now.

"Service Animal" could fit on Public Strain with its swinging rhythm section and guitar interplay, but "Heat Distraction" and "Eyesore" work the formula better and were slotted instead. The psychedelic chorus calls to mind "Black Rice." The pops in "Bullfight" are great fun. My highlight is "Grey Skies." Its the story of doomed teenagers at the prom, dancing in 3/4 time, the disco ball shining its light everywhere. Sluggish, dragging, twinkling, an homage to the slow dancers, beautiful. The only reason I can think of for its cutting is that it's too much of a genre exercise, too clearly pointed at one movement and influence. "Penal Colony" and "Venice Lockjaw" achieve the same heights without the baggage. Still, "Grey Skies" is one of the most crucial b-sides I've heard.

Get it here!

Women, please come back.

Little Whirl

2011-04-06T15:43:00.001-05:00

Hey! The Friend Zone just released a cover of the Guided By Voices classic, "Little Whirl," on our tumblr. Check it out, please.

"Little Whirl" is a slippery lil' whirl of a song toward the end of Alien Lanes. Three nearly identical verses played with more verve each time followed by the ambivalent chorus. Warm guitar tones we couldn't even hope to copy. Toby f'ing Sprout. His grandest achievement? Perhaps. Maybe we'll cover "Gleemer" next time. I'm sitting on two heads.

My week in media: Mar. 28-Apr. 3

2011-04-03T19:57:00.001-05:00

Spring Break came and went. I drank from a woman's navel, wore sandals with a bottle opener in the sole, and flashed my boobies. Now I'm back in dreary Downers Grove. Not to fear; I'm going to visit Texas State in San Marcos on Friday. That means I'll be in and around Austin, which is the most-relevant city in Texas. Gotta find a way to book The Friend Zone for SXSW next year.

Watched a shit-ton of movies. My reviews:
Being There - More confusing than the book, but there was Peter Sellers.
The Squid and the Whale - Glad I didn't watch this one on the ol' HP. Listened to the Postal Service shortly afterwards.
The Hammer - Marc and I didn't hate it like Adam Carolla's character hates the tar flats.
Homicide - gritty.
The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp - 2 beer breaks and a coffee break.
127 Hours - You wouldn't have to twist my arm to make me watch this again.
Sleeper - My girlfriend hasn't seen Annie Hall.

Remember when you made me travel guides for NYC? One for Austin would be helpful.

Drinking: Big Sky Moose Breath

The Big Apple

2011-03-30T21:17:00.002-05:00

I am typing this blog post to you, loyal reader, from my brand new MacBook Pro. I'm feeling highly relevant and hallucinating that my bedroom in Downers Grove is actually a hip coffee shop in Chicago, that I'm surrounded by women (all using Macs), and mixing songs that will be released on my band's new record, which will get a 9.0+ on Pitchfork, the review being that much easier to read and re-blog on my sleek new MacBook Pro. There's a St. Vincent collaboration in the works.

Not sure if I can still be friends with all of you. Can you keep up with my new lifestyle? Though the music I'm importing onto my new MacBook Pro is the same old stuff from my desktop, something feels new and exciting about it. Suddenly, my Allister collection is cool again. That ska from high school sounds eerily like forward-thinking French electronica. I put my pictures on the harddrive; I don't remember wearing a scarf in them. When did Godard take over my Netflix queue? Hey, what's your favorite Godard?

In other words, friends, this brand spanking new MacBook Pro has changed my life. The sun set on Downers Grove tonight, but the sun didn't set on my dreams, my desires, and my drive to be the best Apple user that I can be.

The old last.fm is out. The new last.fm is in. The old profile was prohibitive. I couldn't possibly move an artist to the top.

I've turned over a new leaf. Will you join me?

My week in media: Mar. 12-19

2011-03-20T19:47:00.000-05:00

As a youngster, Steven Soderbergh's Sex, Lies, and Videotape popped out at me from the Blockbuster (RIP) shelves with its title and evocative cover. I was afraid of it, and I knew I wanted to see it, but because of BB's family-friendly policies, I couldn't.

S, L, & V came out at a weird time (1989). I was too young for it then, and when I turned 17, it wasn't even on my radar. American Pie and There's Something About Mary must have warped my poor mind w/r/t films about sex/ masturbation/ relationships; I don't think I would have appreciated S, L, & V, even though it's more f'd-up.

With his movie, Soderbergh ushered in the 1990s indie film craze and stoked the careers of Andie MacDowell, Peter Gallagher, and James Spader (who kills it). Connections abound; when I look at my DVD shelf, I see tons of movies influenced by it: One Hour Photo, Closer, Short Cuts, Punch-Drunk Love, and especially American Beauty. In American Beauty, Ricky (Wes Bentley) films Jane (Thora Birch) undressing in her bedroom for him. He zooms in on her face when she exposes her breasts, and while I used to think that his superhuman restraint and dedication to capturing her face was wholly original, I now know that motherfucker was aping Graham (Spader) from Sex, Lies, and Videotape.

R. B.. Rebecca Black.

(The still-succinct Wiki [but who knows for how long] does a tremendous job at articulating why I'm so fascinated with R.B., and one can apply the content found there to Tommy Wiseau/ Sea of Treasures/ etc., if one is feeling so-inclined.)

Drinking: Firestone Walker Double Jack IPA

My week in media: Mar. 6-12

2011-03-13T16:44:00.001-05:00

A new job with unprecedented downtime means I tear through books like a demon. Am I demon? Evidently so, as I've recently finished David Foster Wallace's Girl With Curious Hair and Denis Johnson's Jesus' Son. Neat ride! Let's do it again!

The stories in Girl w/ C.H. have celebrity characters like Alex Trebek and L.B. Johnson behaving in imaginative and probably uncharacteristic ways, and it is funny. The last piece, "Westward the Course of Empire Takes its Way," is a difficult exploration of meta-fiction and other stuff I don't pretend to understand, but the premise of staging a huge McDonald's commercial in Collision, IL and the characters inability to get there from the airport struck me and will certainly compel me to create bogus locations. Actually, Collision is a lot like Varna, IL, which is real and spectacular. The Pale King drops next month on April 15, tax day. Makes sense, except this year tax day is April 18. My knowing that brings this blog post pretty much full-circle, wouldn't you agree?

The characters in Jesus' Son couldn't be more different. They are joes and janes with serious substance-abuse problems. These stories are gritty and sometimes terse, but Johnson drops awe-inspiring metaphors and similes on just about every page. A suffocating and uncomfortable collection, the last story, "Beverly Home," offers a brief respite from the gloom by taking us to Arizona, but things get all twisted, and we're left only seeing gray.

I just ripped a record called Baby I'm-a Want You by Bread. Pray 4 me.

Drinking: Stone Double Bastard Ale

My week in media: Feb. 28 - Mar. 6

2011-03-05T13:24:00.002-06:00

A family friend is paying me to convert his records to mp3s, upload them to his iPod, and archive them on a flashdrive. While I could track down the CDs or download the files from the net, I've decided to rip most of these common 70s/80s rock and pop records myself. Not sure why I'm doing it. Perhaps I'm an aural masochist. Perhaps I don't want to attract too much attention to my IP by downloading many gigs of music in a short time span. Or perhaps, there's something more to it entirely. With this project, I can analyze musicians I've written off unfairly, think about genres and musical progression in the past 40 years, and maybe find a diamond in the rough. Hasn't happened yet, but I've saved some hopeful slabs for last.

Something had to be in the water in the 1970s causing song titles to be bad. Here is an imaginary album with my least-favorite (or most-favorite) song titles from the project.

1. Minstrel Gigolo - Christopher Cross
2. Give it All You Got, But Slowly - Chuck Mangione
3. 49 Bye-Byes - Crosby, Stills & Nash
4. Dreams of the Everyday Housewife - Glen Campbell
5. Winelight - Grover Washington Jr.
6. Hand Your Heart to the Wind - John Stewart
7. Have You Never Been Mellow - Olivia Newton-John
8. Fanny (Be Tender With My Love) - Bee Gees
9. (Love Me Like Music) I'll Be Your Song - Heart

When I'm not listening to old-people music, I listen to this Rihanna song.

My week in media: Feb. 20-26

2011-02-26T13:17:00.000-06:00

Bookstores and record stores usually carry ultra-genre-specific music magazines which cost $5+ and should be treated as books, that is, never thrown out. waxpoetics highlights black music (soul, jazz, R&B, rap, disco, electronic) from ~1960-present. The editor wants to understand the elements that gave rise to hip-hop. I've only read two issues, but I read them cover-to-cover, often with no prior knowledge about the musician or movement. Really good magazine if you're into those genres. Here's a track from Issue 45's cover subject. It's Juan Atkins's "Urban Tropics" from 1991's The Future Sound EP. Minimal Detroit techno with lush synth washes and sneaky melodies.

Don't forget to cop the new Friend Zone EP, either one post back or at this URL, which is The Friend Zone's home on the net.

The Friend Zone - Who Will Google Me When I'm Dead?

2011-02-25T14:27:00.002-06:00

I started a new band with members of Random Candy. We're called The Friend Zone. I play guitar and sing, Rob plays the drums, and Kyle plays bass and handles recording. This is our first EP/demo. It's called Who Will Google Me When I'm Dead.

The band's tumblr: http://robsbasement.tumblr.com/
Please check it periodically for updates.

Expect lo-fi indie/punk rock. Kindred spirits of Jay Reatard, Guided By Voices, Alkaline Trio.

Download

Vinyl news #9 - The Starting Line

2011-02-12T14:52:00.000-06:00

Enjoy the Ride Records released two 10-inches from The Starting Line on Monday. I slept until today, and if I would have slept longer, I wouldn't have gotten them at all. With Hopes of Starting Over EP was The Starting Line's introduction, and it's fine, indeed. "Three's a Charm," "Greg's Last Day," and early drafts of songs from Say It Like You Mean It anchor the 5-song affair. Then there's the Starship cover. Seems appropriate in the Napster/ Limewire days of punk cover searches.

The acoustic Make Yourself At Home EP is weaker. "Playing Favorites" is one of my favorite songs by them, but the rendition of "The Best of Me" feels like cashing in on new found success. I bought it because I'm an impulsive, half-assed collector with an Expedit to fill. Also, I've got a broken hearrrrrt.

In case you're unfamiliar, The Starting Line played pop-rock/ punk in the vein of Fall Out Boy, New Found Glory, and The All American Rejects. They broke up in 2009. Now will someone press Based On a True Story? Please?

You and I, cold February night

My week in media: Feb. 6-12

2011-02-12T10:21:00.000-06:00

Odd Future is a band created by/ for/ on the internet. These L.A.-based teenage rappers/ producers/ filmmakers just started emerging from the internet in concert, but for the most part, they still exist entirely on the net. Their tumblr, linked above, serves as database and archive for their recordings where everything is free, and in a day or two, you can get fully acquainted with the crew's output. Obviously, 2dopeboys and nahright haven't been welcoming---OF talks about it in every song---but the rest of the internet has paid attention. As such, I am obligated to blog about them as I am a cog in the blogosphere. Just a cog with a blog.

For a bunch of young men, their vision is surprisingly coherent. Abject videos and lyrics about blood, vomit, rape, and drugs. The music is nightmareish. Minimal beats with unnerving bass and the occasional flourish like in the chorus of "Blow." It all sounds slowed-down, and Tyler, The Creator's low voice is a 45 playing at 33. Climbing stairs, feet plunging through the pulpy wood, Freddy advancing, a nightmare.

Of course, most of it's for show, just fiction, not real. Right?

Here's Tyler's new single, "Yonkers." Hear that oppressive beat? The nails-on-chalkboard chorus theme? See that cockroach? Dude's vision is working for him. This song is hard.

I have a Supreme hat! I too can swag it out. Not sure what the means. Swag. Free Earl. Maybe this post will be news to someone. A blogger's wet dream.

My week in media: Jan. 31 - Feb. 5

2011-02-05T10:06:00.001-06:00

Allow me to take you back---to the days before the blizzard, to before the media overload on my days off from work, to the desert. This desert is dry and wide, and in this desert, characters' consciousnesses expand and go underground, to a lair in which the deformed people live. El Topo (the mole) wants to free these people, but will the town understand?

El Topo, often called the first of the Midnight Movies, has this loose plot, but the thrust of the movie is the symbolism. Everything is symbolic. A nude boy (and later, a foxy tour guide) rides on the back of El Topo's horse, accompanying him on duels with desert gun masters. Did Alejandro Jodorowsky (director, lead actor, writer, etc. of El Topo, also responsible for the insane Holy Mountain, also responsible for being a bad mf'r from Chile, like this guy) merely throw together suggestive images and scenes for the audience to unpack, as it might seem, or is everything in El Topo, all of the Christian symbolism, intended? I'll give the mastermind the benefit of the doubt; the content is deliberate and intentional. On the other hand, there are a lot of random pools of blood, the kind that looks like fruit punch, inexplicable nudes, and weighty gun battles. Take some acid, smoke weed, find out for yourself. Or watch it in pieces on the treadmill as I did.

J.D. Salinger is back in the news again with a biography called J.D. Salinger: A Life. Turned me on to the idea of finishing his small bibliography. Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction had this reputation in my head for being the weakest of his work, but even if that's true, it's still a killer collection. The first story takes place in a limo and later in Seymour and Buddy Glass's apartment. Salinger uses dialogue to overcome the lack of action and restricted setting, and the Maiden of Honor is a character for the ages---imposing and arrogant. Seymour: An Introduction is also narrated by Buddy. Buddy takes his time, often stepping away from the page to sleep or do something else, to (imagine that!) introduce the reader to Seymour. Think stream-of-consciousness, the Beats, investigation of the purposes of writing, and the role of the reader. He ends by describing Seymour's physical appearance. It's tough but worth it.

Not much happening on the music front. I took up the task of listening to iTunes songs last played 2005-2009, and so I've been revisiting stuff. Here's the new Cold Cave track.

Snow day

2011-02-02T15:17:00.002-06:00

Watching:

Happy Groundhog Day, motherfuckers.

My week in media: Jan. 23-29

2011-01-30T19:07:00.000-06:00

The biggest shame in Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore is that the title song, performed by Miss Saeki, doesn't exist. Maybe I'll have to write some music for the lyrics. In Kafka, two cosmically-connected characters converge on Takamatsu, Japan. Murakami reminds us that crazy and unrealistic shit should happen in fiction. Nakata, an old man, talks to cats, and Kafka, a teenager, untangles an Oedipal curse put on him by his father. Also, Kafka listens to Prince several times in the story.

Getting severely pumped for the new album by Heidecker & Wood. Tim Heidecker of Tim & Eric is vocalist and lyricist. Wood provides the cheesy lite.fm rock. Two songs have come out: "Weatherman" and "Wedding Song." "Wedding Song" appeared for the first time late last week. In it, Tim proposes marriage. "Weatherman" first dropped in 2009, so maybe you've heard it. The song's protagonist worries about his alcoholic friend, Barry, amidst swirling Rhodes piano chords, a provocative bass part, and guitar/flute solos. So many funny lines. One of my most-anticipated records of 2k11.

Barry, when are you gonna grow up and finally put those brandies down?

Did you hear? Duress - Indifference

2011-01-28T20:38:00.000-06:00

Punk recordings can suffer when they fail to capture a band's in-concert aggression. Duress's sets were fun (read: scary) to behold. Bodies and objects flying every which way, instruments and sweat. And then there's me standing in the back thinking about how it could possibly sound good at home on vinyl or mp3. Duress made it happen.

The speed stands out at first. The record don't slow until the last song. The vocals are presented in the center of the mix, and Matt's harsh phrasing gives the 7" coherence. The drums pound in a similar way, often to accent the vocals. Kyle, the guitarist, rarely plays one riff for long, swiftly hopping from idea to idea while maintaining Duress's dedication to speed. The result is music that sounds like it could come unhinged at any time. By playing riffs way up on the neck, usually at the end of the song or passage, he rockets songs into outer space while the rhythm section focuses on pounding them back to Earth. Nowhere is this more prevalent than on my standout, "Allergic to Hope." In "Guilt," the affected guitar makes way for overdriven bass, and the conflict between these sounds almost, just almost, epitomizes the struggle in the pit. I can see it now as I saw it then.

My favorite 7" of 2010. Please sell me a physical copy, as I slept.

Get it here!

My week in media: Jan. 16-22

2011-01-22T17:00:00.001-06:00

My parents see one "important" film each year. They like films with Oscar-buzz, films that are uplifting and not totally out there, and films based on true events. Think Slumdog Millionaire and The Blind Side. This year, obviously, Black Swan is out. My dad doesn't get Facebook, so why would he see The Social Network? Mom doesn't want to see True Grit. Fortunately, I found the perfect film for their annual foray into cinema, and it is called The King's Speech.

Colin Firth rocks the casbah as King George VI, the stammering English king with WWII to worry about. Geoffrey Rush is his speech coach. Man, if Geoff doesn't win the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, I won't be surprised, but I'll act like I am. This film might make stammering, or stuttering as I've always called it, a hot cause for a hot minute, and it's great as the focus in the film, but there's more going on here. There's Daddy Issues and Brother Issues. George, or "Bertie" as Lionel insists on calling him, is one of the first politicians to reign entirely in the radio age. He can't fake speeches. He's gotta talk, and therein, my friends, lies the drama.

The Smith Westerns are garnering all sorts of attention with their new album, Dye It Blonde. The Pitchfork review says they went all Britpop. Maybe so (no), but I still get a strong Bowie vibe from "Smile," my favorite song on the record that isn't "Weekend." They're young, their jeans are ripped, and there is a great career in store for them. And that, folks, is how you use grammar.

A lot of L-7 Weenies didn't like Ricky Gervais's performance at the Golden Globes. See for yourself.

Another weekend, another trip to Hot Doug's. Another brewery. Go Bears.

My week in media: Jan. 9-15

2011-01-15T23:07:00.001-06:00

It's already been one year since Jay Reatard died. That day fucked me up. His music moved me, and he had the trait that separates great musicians from the pack; he was prolific. I made a pact with J. Wilmes to see Jay each time he passed through town, and I saw him three times. Classic songs. There's "Screaming Hand." Jangly guitars open this bad mother, but then the chorus hits you with some flying-V noise and the poppiest chorus. But instead, I got a man with an empty beer bottle and a screaming hand. (Not on youtube- this is why I need a tumblr- nah fuckthatshit fuckthatshit, ya know the song anyway).

And then there's "Not a Substitute." Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, done. Seven words to the lyrics pack a big emotional punch.

PS - The new Smith Westerns record is hot hot, and I learned about them when they opened for Jay. Real shit, that is real.

My week in media: Jan. 2 -8

2011-01-09T15:29:00.001-06:00

In this new feature, I will recap what I heard, read, and watched during the past week. That way, I'll be able to collect my thoughts at the end of the year, or whenever, really. You might find something you like, too.

The song I listened to most came from this mix by renowned guitarist Mark McGuire. It's called "Tossing and Turning," and it's by Windjammer. The 12-inch version is best for its extended intro, but for your sake, I'll embed a live performance replete with 80s wear, flashing lights, a mostly white crowd, and the literal interpretation of the lyric I wiggle in my sleep by the dancing frontman. Disco-influenced funk for fans of Prince and big hooks.

I finished John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy of Dunces. I seldom laugh when I read, but this novel cracked me up more than nine times. Its protagonist is the unforgettable Ignatius Reilly, a fat and crazy guy from New Orleans who drives everyone crazy.

Finally, I listen to NPR now. I am learning about so much more than buzzbands and foreign films, although I can learn about those things on NPR, too. Have a good week, friends.

30 for 30: Boom or Bust?

2011-01-03T19:15:00.000-06:00

Sports aren't as interesting to me as they once were. In the mid-90s, I played them, watched them, and obsessed over them. Boys my age growing up in Chicago were blessed. We had the Bulls, Frank Thomas, and later, Sammy Sosa, Kerry Wood, Brian Urlacher. Something changed in me, though. Now, it's all about books, music, movies, and original programming on television. I don't make time for sports. Actually, Chicago summers are still exciting when you follow one of the most rewarding professional baseball franchises and get to root against one of the least rewarding franchises in all of sports. But I digress.

An underrated genre, then, is sports nonfiction. In a sports documentary, or in a book like Black Planet by David Shields, I can rekindle my love for sports without having to actually watch sports. It's totally awesome. For their thirtieth anniversary as a television network, ESPN commissioned 30 documentaries from 30 notable filmmakers. The films are about athletes and events from the past 30 years in sports, and mostly, they are excellent.

I've seen approx. ten of the films (from snippets to full-lengthers). I'll briefly talk about three. No Crossover: The Trial of Allen Iverson was my first taste. Steve James, director of Hoop Dreams, is on some next-level shit when it comes to sports documentaries. In both No Crossover and Hoop Dreams, he examines race and community by unpacking events in the lives of talented young black athletes in white athletic institutions. Baller.

Dan Klores's Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks makes use of hilarious talking heads to get at the frustration of New Yorkers over the NBAtitlelessness of their beloved Knicks.

The best of the bunch, Brett Morgen's June 17, 1994, weaves what Comcast's crackerjack TVguidetaggers call a 'tone-poem' about the titular day, a day in which OJ Simpson led the LAPD and the American public on an infamous car chase. Forget voice-over narration and talking heads; Morgen makes broad claims about American celebrity fixation and the palate-whetting of Americans for reality television by using only archival footage and text. He is masterful.

Thanks to ESPN for gambling on documentaries when they could have re-aired the ESPYs or Texas Hold 'Em. We're surrounded by sports, but we don't often try to make sense of what they mean to us. Hopefully, the Steve Bartman film leaves the cutting room floor. I'll be watching with the biggest bowl of popcorn and a grin that extends onto Waveland.

Merry Fuckmas

2010-12-24T22:06:00.001-06:00

Songs from 2010 - Part 10 - Everything Is Going To Be Okay

2010-12-22T11:11:00.001-06:00

Our brave heroine has narrowly escaped the throes of a sickening killer, a possessed house. In 40 minutes, she navigated the disorienting hallways of the Temple Room, had wax from Black Candles dripped onto her quivering naval, and received bad tidings from The Psychic. Through it all, she persevered, kept her pants on, and swore allegiance to the cross and to her Italian knight in mustachioed armor. One kiss from the knight makes it all worthwhile. A nightmare turned dream. Everything Is Going To Be Okay. Roll credits.

Songs from 2010 - Part 9 - Lazarus

2010-12-19T22:52:00.001-06:00

"Lazarus" opens with a minute of feedback and noise. It's a welcome stylistic gesture and cue for the listener embarking on Immaculada's second side. The song kicks into 4/4 gear at 1:14 but remains rife with tension. At 3:16, the song opens for a guitar riff that is so melodic and groovy that we don't want it leave, but it departs after a taste, and The Men bring the song full circle with familiar vocal parts and riffing. I think Miles at Gold Zounds might enjoy The Men.

Songs from 2010 - Part 8 - Monster

2010-12-11T16:38:00.003-06:00

When Kanye West asks, "have you ever had sex with a pharaoh?" he might as well be asking, "have you ever had sex with me?"

What came first, the chain that gives Kanye back pain, or the line, "Bought the chain that always give me back pain?"

Does My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy's cover match Kanye's red suit? Did his inspiration for his Dark Twisted Identity start with a fly suit?

How do I put the pussy in a sarcophagus?

So many questions to ask oneself when listening to this year's hottest mp3. Kanye opens the proverbial can of worms on pimping, flossing, and being a monster, and he does it over the starkest beat on the record, a beat that is just a jazz loop away from RZA and the 90s. Jay-Z nearly derails the communal boast by talking about his lonely soul and love-void, as if we care, but it's cool because Nicki Minaj brags about her pink wig and thick ass and having a Minaj on Friday.

Still, the star is Kanye, and I'm sure he wouldn't have it any other way. As John pointed out, he kills it with every line and boast. As the halfway point in a record about insecurity and hypocrisy and opulence, "Monster" is straight bragging. Jay-Z doesn't get it, but gosh, it's cool now. I already skipped back to Kanye's verse anyway.

Songs from 2010 - Part 7 - Sorrow

2010-12-05T17:19:00.006-06:00

Do I take The National for granted? Is it their fault that High Violet didn't seduce me like Boxer? Did I have unreasonable expectations?

Yes, my friends, High Violet let me down. I expected a home run and got a triple. Understand, I listened to Boxer so much. I like Boxer more than I like a lot of you. Four of its tracks are in my iTunes top 25 playlist. I don't even want to get into iPod plays. Good fucking record.

The first two songs to go public from High Violet were "Runaway" and "Bloodbuzz Ohio." I got stoked. I replayed them over and over. I thought about ways in which I would use the lyrics in my online profiles. And then I developed too-high expectations for High Violet.

The songs that came later are texturally rich ("Conversation 16"), immaculately paced ("Little Faith"), haunting ("Afraid of Everyone"), and triumphant ("Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks"). There are some weak tracks, too. Some lines in "Anyone's Ghost" are lame, and the allure of "Lemonworld" is lost on me.

Mostly, I have positive things to say, as you can see. I think, for now, I'll let High Violet grow on me and become a part of The National's catalog on its own terms. I look forward to any new material the band releases; I look forward to High Violet being their second-to-newest album.

Here's "Sorrow." You know it. You love it. It reminds me of Boxer but with that sonic High Violet stamp. All of the things I really liked about High Violet (the drumming, the backing vocals that sound like whispers) are present, and some of the things I didn't like (lyrics repeated to death, namely) aren't. Get down with your sad self because sorrow found you when you were young.

Are any of y'all with me on this?

Did you buy the double LP? Definitely my favorite piece of vinyl of 2010.

Still one of the best live acts going. Drink too much white wine and go see them.

Songs of 2010 - Part 6 - Shine Blockas

2010-12-03T18:27:00.000-06:00

The year-end lists are coming in, and blogs will have to choose between Big Boi and Kanye. Whether you think that's stupid or not, your decision might actually say a lot about your taste in hip-hop. Since it's Friday, I'm highlighting this Big Boi banger called "Shine Blockas." It technically came out in 2009, but it was on this year's LP, and it is just super.

Kanye is for the weekdays, the headphones, the soul-searching. It's not very club-friendly, unfortunately: the songs are long, and the best songs can be slow and challenging. Not so with Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty. Three-and-a-half minute bangers all the way through, and Big Boi has fun the whole time.

He builds "Shine Blockas" from the beat up. After all the hos say ho, you get to feel the beat out for 20-30 seconds, and then Big Boi drops a pretty chill verse. Just chillin', riding Luciouswaves. After Gucci Mane, we get the song's finest moment---Big Boi's third verse with the pistol whip singalong part. New Years Eve is coming, and you'll undoubtedly be at a party. Find someone---doesn't matter who---and grind. I bet it will work, too, because no one will be able to block your shine.

Songs from 2010 - Part 5 - The Oh So Protective One

2010-12-01T16:12:00.001-06:00

Who says you should take a year-off when you're a 2009 hype band? Girls returned with an EP, Broken Dreams Club, and it is exquisite. "The Oh So Protective One" kicks it off with Spanish-influenced guitar and horns. Christopher Owens croons about a self-conscious girl, and his lyrics, although straightforward, are poignant and effective.

The real star, though, is Chet White, the group's bassist and record engineer. The mix is perfect; each element falls into place at just the right time, and he doesn't revert to habits we heard on Album. In other words, no "God Damned" or "Big Bad Mean Motherfucker" engineering, which, although cool in its own right, doesn't work for the band as they expand their sound and embrace their inner Beach Boys.

Songs from 2010 - Part 4 - Penal Colony

2010-11-28T19:00:00.001-06:00

On the cover of Women's 2010 album, Public Strain, a few people walk in a blizzard. Think about what that's like. Women take an otherwise normal pop song with a great hook, slow it down, and accent each downbeat like a heavy step in the snow. Then they mess with it even more, adding fuzz and doubled vocals. "Penal Colony" becomes an otherworldly exercise in restraint.

Cat Plaza #2 - Back Cover

2010-11-26T11:09:00.000-06:00

So what did everyone think of Cat Plaza #2? If I had to evaluate the issue, I'd say it's a 9.6 It's my Merriweather Post Pavilion to #4's Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. And #3 is Neon Bible. Adieu, 2009. Miss you.

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 19

2010-11-25T11:21:00.000-06:00

I am thankful for this rant by yesterday's birthday boy, Andrew Morrison.

cant' wait till the miami heat start rolling and it silences all the bandwagon haters who failed to support the NBA in its darker years. The same haters who ironically enough only resubmerged as fans because lebron and wade brought the flash back to the game in the first place. Regardless if the heat fail to perform, they will make the playoffs in the east. Even though the heat hating hipsters might temporarily boost ratings, they will soon lose interest as they do for nearly every banner they take up and fail to continue their NBA support allowing historical franchises to fade and collapse.

Cat Plaza #2 - p.18

2010-11-24T10:09:00.000-06:00

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 15-17

2010-11-23T10:49:00.001-06:00

Back in the days when I was crushing on David Foster Wallace, I looked in every corner of the internet he occupied, and I found this list you've seen before. A list like this is cool because instead of namechecking authors we know he knew or liked personally, like many other authors do, he turns our attention to books we probably haven't read yet. Some authors (artists, musicians, movie-makers) protect their influences for whatever reason, like we can't figure them out. Gee whiz, I don't read new novels anymore. I like that line too.

In walks Steps by Jerzy Kosinski, hell bent on fucking with your mind and top-10 book list that you keep online or in that list-making brain of yours. When you see Steps in the library, it's going to have a tattered cover, no dust jacket, and it probably hasn't been checked out in 20 years, but that doesn't mean you should pass it up to read HP again. Stop re-reading HP, y'all.

Characters in Steps are vehicles for carrying out Jerzy's theoretical nightmare-fantasies, and when you read Steps, you'll know where my story came from. Steps gets a 10.0---the original Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 14

2010-11-22T15:53:00.000-06:00

I'm almost done with Northern Exposure, which is just about the high-point (along with Twin Peaks) of early-90s television. An imaginative, well-acted character show that is funny and moving. I just don't see how a show like Northern Exposure could make it on networks today, and that is a shame. The good television has been relegated to cable and premium TV, and even it isn't as good as Northern Exposure. After all, Northern Exposure cranked out 110 hour-long episodes in just five years and had a big, enthusiastic audience. Bravo, Northern Exposure.

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 13

2010-11-21T10:39:00.000-06:00

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 10-12

2010-11-20T10:03:00.000-06:00

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 8-9

2010-11-19T16:10:00.000-06:00

Here's a guest post on beer from Marc "never gonna update The Alco-log EVER!" Nardoni.

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 5-7

2010-11-18T15:54:00.002-06:00

Readers loved pointing out the typos on this one.

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 4

2010-11-17T16:04:00.001-06:00

Confession: I never finished House of Leaves.

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 3

2010-11-16T15:28:00.000-06:00

Cat Plaza #2 - p. 2

2010-11-15T16:13:00.000-06:00

Dear Readers,

I'm having a crisis. I look at my Blogspot, my old friend, and I just think meh. All my cool readers are on Tumblr. They get to Tumbl all this cool stuff, and I don't think they can Tumbl their favorite Cat Plaza pages. Should I grab at relevance by joining Tumblr, or should I hold my ground and face the day at Blogspot. Decisions, decisions.

Cat Plaza #2 Scans

2010-11-14T19:33:00.000-06:00

After the resounding, Da Vinci Code-esque success of Cat Plaza #1, I gave in to the fans and produced a second issue. I kept saying I'd never do it, it was a one-time-only deal, but what are you gonna do? Deprive the fans of their favorite quarterly literature/ hardcore/ comedy zine? That's just cruel.

Anyway, Cat Plaza #2 came out a year ago. It cost $1, and they're all gone. Gee whiz, Pat, what the heck? How come I didn't get one?

Hey Boss! Episode 3

2010-11-11T23:05:00.003-06:00

Conversations

2010-11-03T17:52:00.002-05:00

DFW on politics

2010-11-02T16:10:00.002-05:00

Bad Movie Society - Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

2010-10-31T13:56:00.000-05:00

Writer/ director George Barry made Death Bed: The Bed That Eats in 1977 and apparently forgot about it until 2003, when it was re-released. I thought it would be good-bad like a lot of the other horror films I like, but Barry had something else in mind. Yellow digestive foam and skeleton hands aside, Death Bed is a pretty serious film, and creepy at that. Cross Samuel Beckett, Alejandro Jodorowsky, and Evil Dead 2, throw some dust on the film stock, and add a soundtrack of antiquated synth and pulsing percussion, and you have Death Bed. Gratuitous nudity and poor acting merely sweeten the deal. Happy Halloween!

Did you hear? Cimmerian

2010-10-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

Like any young man in high school, I read hardcore message boards, listened to a little bit of extreme music, and discovered black metal from older people on the internet. I wasn't great at the internet yet, and I just didn't know how to download anything obscure or complete. I drove to Mojo Music and bought three CDs: Gorgoroth's Pentagram, Darkthrone's Sardonic Wrath, and Emperor's In the Nightside Eclipse. It was a home run if I do say so myself. I was the black wizards that day; I crushed the scepter.

Here is a sonic document not many people know about. In 2006, I recorded some black metal with my friend Nick at his home in Champaign. We called ourselves Cimmerian. If I remember correctly, we lost the files or weren't happy with them, and we re-tracked most of the song at ISR the following week (including vocals). My first recording on bass and vocals. I sing the first verse and the chorus, and Nick does the second verse. We had a lot of fun that weekend.

Of course, we did a corpse paint photoshoot in his garden and living room. Right of passage.

At the time, we were influenced by symphonic black metal and Immortal. Nick wrote all the music. We collab'd on lyrics. The usual topics: white horses, snowy landscapes, hating Jesus, whatever. Happy Halloween!

Myspace

Get it here!

Bad Movie Society - The Human Centipede

2010-10-22T18:00:00.003-05:00

From the freakish mind of Dutch writer/ director, Tom Six, comes The Human Centipede, a film which rides its unusual premise from start to finish.

Think of your least favorite centipede. He just crawled out of your drain when you were brushing your teeth. She just ran up the wall and out of sight when you flipped on the basement light. Always lurking, never caught.

Six's human centipede is only three human beings surgically attached ass-to-mouth, ass-to-mouth. The first hour of the film is spent imagining what this thing will look like, and the last forty minutes plays like a slasher. The finest slasher, Halloween, is about Michael Myers chasing Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis), who is slow (but faster than Michael, who still catches up). Not much is different about Human Centipede, but the h.c. is slower than Laurie. Makes sense. The h.c. doesn't behave like an actual centipede at all. Real centipedes aren't slow as shit and don't share digestive tracts. The three components of Six's creation barely get from room to room, and yet they still evade Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser). The viewer is all like c'monnnnn.

Speaking of Dieter Laser, that dude is a fantastic actor. He is intense, hard, and capable of making some impossibly funny faces. Great villain. He explains the science of the h.c. to his victims stoically, and his pool has a futuristic robot cover. Makes me weak with the hope that one day I will be large and in-charge like Dieter, an owner of my very-own mechanized pool cover.

You'll like Human Centipede if you like to be grossed out. If you've seen it and want to be grossed out more, you shouldn't worry about a thing because Six is making two more films. Hence, First Sequence. The biggest surprise, maybe, was that Human Centipede looked slick and crisp- maybe even a little too crisp- and wasn't campy. Plus, two women are naked the whole time with minimal gratuitous nudity. Supwitdat? Six is serious about his h.c.. He will never crush it, never trap it in a Kleenex and flush it down the toilet. Never drown it in the shower because he's too scared to trap it in a Kleenex and flush it down the toilet.

Will Needs a Vacation: The Rubicon Season Finale

2010-10-20T17:00:00.001-05:00

One of the best things about AMC's new series, Rubicon, is that its creators know the psychological/ conspiracy genre (think THE CONVERSATION) and aren't afraid to pay homage for 13 episodes. Plus, they've created the right context for this genre workout, and it all feels kind of new.

Critics and friends of mine criticized Rubicon for being slow, and that seems fair, but if you tuned in for the final 3-4 episodes, you know that the show picked up and was really plot-tight and engaging.

For the most part, Will (James Badge Dale) lives the paranoid life: jetting around NYC with a stack of loose papers, checking owl figurines for bugs, and thinking everyone is out to get him. And as it turns out, almost everyone is out to get him (see: tagline..."not every conspiracy is a theory"), that is, everyone except his artsy-fartsy girlfriend, Andy (Annie Parisse). She's Rubicon's Kramer. She never leaves the apartment, doesn't seem to be employed, and still attracts the opposite sex somehow. Oh wait, she's hot, and Will spies on her from his apartment window.

Andy makes Will a more interesting character. By living in her art-world and allowing Will to come into it, she creates two lifestyle spheres for Will: his API-paranoid sphere and his sitting-around-doing-nothing-cuz-I'm-at-Andy's sphere. We'll call it his art-sphere. Though the show is "slow," the only time Will actually seems to slow down is when he's in her apartment. Even in his own apartment, he constantly sweeps for bugs and phone taps, grabs for his trusty baseball bat, and cracks open beers to make it look like he's relaxing. Never filmed sleeping at his apartment (to my knowledge).

In the art-sphere, Will can get perspective on his life. He can form a meaningful relationship. And most importantly, he can watch his other sphere from a distance. It is in Andy's apartment that he watches phone tappers come in and do their thing. It is a safe haven for his files (he retrieves them in the season finale) and for his gun. The art-sphere and the paranoid-sphere seem connected, but they don't influence each other.

That is, until the final episode when Katherine Rhumor (Miranda Richardson) returns to her safe haven to find it's Andy's apartment too. Will's spheres collide, the girls assume Will's banging left-and-right, and we have our first fatality. It also marks the first time (tmk) that Andy leaves her apartment. And leaves with a gun in hand, not a paintbrush.

So what are Rubicon's makers telling us? That we all need to find our inner artist? That we should check our light switches for bugs? That when there's terrorism, our many lives become singular? I don't know, but I hope they answer these questions and more in Season 2, which looks like it will happen despite poor ratings.

Songs from 2010 - Part 3 - I Remember

2010-10-19T19:03:00.000-05:00

When critics first described Yeasayer's new album, Odd Blood, they said it sounded like an 80s album. I remember thinking: no way Jose, this stuff tastes like Animal Collective! And I should know because I love the 80s, and my t9 recognizes Neo before I tell it to spell men. Hey what did you think of that Mad Neo episode last night?

Flash-forward to September, and it's me buying Violator by Depeche Mode at a garage sale for $1. I pop my compact disc in for the first time (latest pass), and now I'm thinking that Depeche Mode sounds like Yeasayer. Only it's the other way around. So thank you Yeasayer for making me appreciate Depeche Mode more because Odd Blood is kinda stinky. But this song is great and sounds like "Blue Dress" which has lyrics like "Bluish." In other words, I was right all along.

The Napster Days or: Jackass 3D opens today!

2010-10-15T16:11:00.002-05:00

Napster was great. After dialing-up, it would take 45-60 minutes to download one song, and when it was done, I'd get so pumped and play that song to death. So many searches for punk covers and prank calls. Anyway, when we switched computers, I either lost my Napster songs or never bothered looking for them, and all of those jams faded in my memory. But no longer!

Must have been 7th grade when the CKY "Chinese Freestyle" came into my life. It was offensive and crude and I loved it. Memorized it. Recited it amongst friends. And I didn't even know what CKY was. Napster (and Limewire and Kazaa) had bad tagging standards. The bands weren't right or song titles were off, and it's made harvesting my memory for these junior high songs a nightmare. Sometime in college, I remembered a couple of key lines and performed a Google search. Voila! "The Chinese Freestlyle" was back in my life. Way back then, though, "The Chinese Freestyle" was a mythical song that came from this new abyss called the internet, and it was so mysterious and cool. Now I know that Brandon Dicamillo was responsible, and it's a little disappointing, but he's also one of my favorite Jackasses, and I better be able to get someone to come with me to see him in 3D.

Favorite part used to be: everybody in the phone book named Cheng, wanna see my wang? but now it's: you wanna taste my General Tso? I will give it to you now. One of the funnier disses I've heard.

I'm 15!

Show review: Guided By Voices 10/13/2010

2010-10-14T16:21:00.000-05:00

If you know me at all, even if only through the internet, you know that I like Guided By Voices a lot. So when I learned that they were reforming the "classic lineup" for a tour, I somehow slept on the first wave of tickets (which promptly sold out), panicked, and then freaked out when they moved the show to a bigger venue, i.e. the Riviera Theater.

And GBV did not disappoint. The gang was all there: Kevin, Greg (outrageous tuxedo), Mitch (so stoked to be there), genius-foil Tobin, and rock-god Robert.

The "classic lineup" is important because in 4 years (92-96), it released 5 LPs which became indie classics: Propeller, Vampire on Titus, Bee Thousand, Alien Lanes, and Under the Bushes Under The Stars. These records and their accompanying EPs created a ravenous fanbase and spun an endless GBV mythology. There are hundreds and hundreds of GBV songs. Some are difficult listens while others are crystal clear pop tunes. Almost all of them are good. In those days, quality control didn't matter because everything they touched was gold. Here's what they played last night (album-by-album...you think I can remember a setlist?):

From Propeller: Weed King, Quality of Armor, Lethargy, Unleashed! The Large-Hearted Boy, Exit Flagger, 14 Cheerleader Coldfront
From Vampire on Titus. Gleemer
From Bee Thousand. Buzzards and Dreadful Crows, Tractor Rape Chain, Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory, Hot Freaks, Smothered in Hugs, Echos Myron, Gold Star for Robot Boy, Awful Bliss, Queen of Cans and Jars, I Am a Scientist
From Alien Lanes. A Salty Salute, Watch Me Jumpstart, Game of Pricks, A Good Flying Bird, Pimple Zoo, Closer You Are, Motor Away, My Valuable Hunting Knife, Striped White Jets, My Son Cool
From UTBUTS. Cut Out Witch, Bright Paper Werewolves, Don't Stop Now
Plus: My Impression Now (from Fast Japanese Cycle), Shocker in Gloomtown (from Grand Hour), Dodging Invisible Rays (from Tigerbomb), Matter Eater Lad and Johnny Appleseed (from Clown Prince of the Menthol Trailer)
and I know I forgot some stuff, but you can tell how much I'm nerding out already, and I won't go any farther.

Songs from 2010 - Part 2- Boy Lilikoi

2010-10-10T20:37:00.002-05:00

Jonsi's solo debut, Go, deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as High Violet, Halcyon Digest, and Noose Demo 2010 for AOTY. Not only does Go stand on its own, but for me it also reinvigorates Sigur Ros's brand. Can't wait for whatever Jonsi touches in the future.

Cat Plaza #1 - Back Cover

2010-10-07T16:04:00.000-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 11

2010-10-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 10

2010-10-05T17:27:00.002-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 9

2010-10-04T17:01:00.002-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 8

2010-10-03T13:13:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite features of Cat Plaza, and this is my favorite installment. I love Guided By Voices, and you should too. See you on October 13.

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 5-7

2010-10-02T09:03:00.001-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 4

2010-09-30T17:26:00.001-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 3

2010-09-29T22:54:00.000-05:00

Presented in color for the first time ever!

Cat Plaza #1 - p. 2

2010-09-28T16:05:00.002-05:00

Cat Plaza #1 Scans

2010-09-27T17:08:00.003-05:00

In August 2009, I put out issue 1 of Cat Plaza. It cost me $4 to print, and I sold all 30 issues. 12 photocopied pages- never reproduced on the internet until now. Now let me take a trip down memory lane.

Songs from 2010 - Part 1 - Laredo

2010-09-25T20:53:00.001-05:00

Cat Plaza #4 dropped next week, and like in every issue, there is a playlist and a couple of articles about music. While you should buy that and make my taste yours, you should also open up to my stuffing more music opinions down your throat. Now she's claiming that I bruised her esophagus.

Year-end lists are great. The best record is never the one at the top, and so much slips through the cracks, but they're fun. You like em, I like em. I'll post some 2010-songs I like in the upcoming months.

Band of Horses is a great band. So smooth and pleasing. Their new record didn't generate the hype that their earlier stuff did, and that's a shame because it's good.

On "The Funeral," their most-played jam, they sang about some lofty stuff that was important I think. The lyrics to "Laredo" are better, and my favorite line from 2010 that wasn't written by Kanye West can be found in it. "I put a bullet in my Kia Lorenzo." Such a perfect real-life detail crossed with a bullet thing that probably didn't happen. Nobody else is singing about Kias, and every musician's gotta drive one before they make it.

Cat Plaza #4

2010-09-16T17:02:00.004-05:00

The fourth issue of my critically and commercially successful zine, Cat Plaza, is out. It's a monster: 40 pages and 5 contributors. Pieces on David Foster Wallace, McDonald's, The National, Antoine Dodson, and more. Stories up the wazoo. Carl Franzen, Ferrari Nardoni, Alex Bahler, and JAWs. There are 23 copies, and since one of them is mine, you need to be one of the 22 to get yours.

I miss my old printer Ralph. I swear, he was the only professional in Dupage County. Where this is going is that I'm charging 5 dollars (hand delivered) and 6 dollars (mailed anywhere in the United States) per zine. I get a stomachache just thinking about the price and what it'll do to sales/ your pockets, but that's what I need to do to break anywhere close to even.

Each zine comes with a handmade bookmark. Each bookmark is unique. They're cool; I worked hard on them.

Don't forget that you too can publish with Cat Plaza industries. Please e-mail me: Panther1215@hotmail.com. Expect back issues scanned and uploaded soon. Thanks!

Vinyl news #8

2010-07-30T16:46:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling pretty good about August. Tomorrow, Cap'n Jazz is playing Wicker Park Fest. On Monday, I embark on a week-long trip to New York City (NYC). The road trip stops for an evening in Columbus, Ohio to see The National. In case you're uninformed, The National is just about the best band out there. They're doing the High Violet victory lap right now, and they totally deserve it. It's ironic that we're seeing them in Ohio because they live in the NYC neighborhood we're trippin' to (Williamsburg, Brooklyn). Insert Bloodbuzz Ohio joke here.

For a lot of people, The National's discography starts with Alligator, and that's fine. Gator is their first really good record. But some die hard fans might be all like: oh no sir, I must say you're wrong. Enter Brassland. They released The National's first two LPs: The National and Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers. While good records, they don't really capture what makes The National so great. Pretty glad they dropped the twang from the debut and tightened everything up for Alligator.

The best songs (IMO): The Perfect Song, Theory of the Crows, Fashion Coat, Lucky You.

Vinyl completists will be happy to know Brassland reissued their first two records on pretty colored vinyl with posters and matte jackets and digital download codes. /500. Or on black.

And here's the link. Act quickly because colored vinyl is running out. I got that fa'sho.

Vinyl news #7 - Spitalfield

2010-06-10T12:18:00.000-05:00

No, I didn't stop buying vinyl. I just don't feel like it should be my responsibility to tell y'all when each and every exciting record is released. Especially since that means more competition for me. But since this is the underrated Spitalfield's magnum opus Remember Right Now, and since it's never been released on vinyl (thanks Victory), and since the record company (RTBR) is tiny and up-and-coming, I'll come right out and say it: you can buy Remember Right Now here.

And I was j/k about my responsibility re: vinyl news- I've neglected my duty. Records are a right, not a privilege.

What will you get when you place your order? Music wise, one of the finest pop-rock/ pop-punk records of the aughts. A record I listened to in my car non-stop after the generous A. Cor bought it for me on CD at Best Buy. Crystal clear, expressive vocals from M. Rose, catchy music, and not just another trip down feel-sorry-for-yourself-pop-punk-lane-lyrics either. Vinyl wise, some color variants and even test presses for sale. Nice!

Did you hear? Random Candy - Greatest Hits

2010-06-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

This is Random Candy's third release, Greatest Hits. We recorded the songs in January and February, but because of unfortunate delays, we haven't released them until now. You can stream two new jams on Myspace, but what I really think you should do is download the songs from Mediafire so that they can become a part of your Itunes lifestyle. Plus, you'll get an extra song and boost our last.fm stats.

Tracklisting
1. Alison
2. Lindsay Weir
3. Untitled

Get it here!
Myspace

Did you hear? Will Noise

2010-06-02T10:50:00.000-05:00

Few recordings have achieved the legendary status of Will's Noise project. And to think these five songs almost never saw the light of day.

The story goes like this. Sometime in high school, Will, a founding member of 3B, told the rest of 3B that he had made some demented recordings on his computer. He used these recordings to wake his brother late at night, and then got grounded because, as I mentioned, these recordings are demented. Five 30-second bursts of screaming and noise-making that would swell Jonathan Davis's Korn-heart (I'm sure Davis's ramblings on "Freak on a Leash" inspired Will- he did a killer impression). Imagine waking up at 2 AM to Noise.

Will kept Noise to himself despite unrelenting pressure from 3B to leak it. Then one day after cross country practice, he told us we could hear the songs. I don't think I've ever had more anticipation or laughed harder than when I first heard Noise. This is a great example of outsider art; who will disagree with me? It's hard to listen to this distorted garbage- the spikes, the ear-piercing frequencies, the sheer volume of it. Even the track order is perfect. So many rumors of a sequel, but he has officially squashed them. This was a one-time-only deal, and I am glad I was there to witness it firsthand.

I often played Noise at college parties to the horror of my guests. Tell me what you think, and feel free to share your personal experiences. What is your favorite Noise track? It's hotly debated. I like...

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The Judy Clocks - A Cover Project

2010-04-15T16:57:00.001-05:00

Jordan Anderson and I talked about making some music on a cold day in February, and in March, we convened in his Downers Grove basement to make it happen. Here is our cover of the classic Slowdive song, "40 Days." I'm happy with the product. I'm happy that we strayed from shoegaze conventions and gave it our own spin. In case you're wondering, the original "40 Days" can be found on Souvlaki, one of my favorite records ever.

Jordan played ukulele, electric guitar, and percussion. He sang backup vocals and recorded too.

I played electric guitar and percussion, and I sang the lead. I don't know how to record music on a computer.

Because I come up with band names so regularly, I asked J. if he wanted to call the project something other than Pat & Jordan or whatever other Joe's Brewery name we could have come up with. Hence, The Judy Clocks. Google the term if you want to know where it comes from.

Thanks for listening!

Did you hear? Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends Demo

2010-04-13T18:12:00.002-05:00

As a responsible blogger, I think about my entries long before I write and submit them. I take a bunch of things into consideration before uploading a record.

1 - Does anyone want this record?

2 - Will uploading this record please my existing readers?

3 - Will uploading this record bring in new readers?

4 - Can I say something new in my entry and thus justify my uploading this record?

Taking Back Sunday recently announced that they're back with the original Tell All Your Friends lineup. The announcement generated a lot of interest, and I'm sure people want to hear the old stuff. I'm guessing everyone already has TAYF so here's the demo. Check box #3.

In this entry, I can talk about a broader phenomenon in music: the great debut. Check box #4.

Journalists appreciate bands that work hard and develop their sound- bands that finally come into their own on albums four or five. While I love these bands too, I'm also impressed by bands that arrive on the scene fully-formed with a unique sound and songs to boot. Taking Back Sunday's Tell All Your Friends is so complete and impossible to improve upon that I'm surprised they even tried. Obviously, the later stuff is not very good.

Out of the five songs on this demo, four made it to the LP. My favorite TBS song, "Bike Scene," is here in rudimentary form. The only song that didn't make the cut- an acoustic song called "Your Own Disaster"- illustrates how impressive TBS really was in 2002. "Your Own Disaster" is generic and boring. Their sound just couldn't accommodate wimpy shit like it so it got the axe. They knew what worked, and because it worked, they made three more records. My last point: breaking up isn't hard to do.

Get it here!

What other bands arrived with the perfect sound and vision? What happened to those bands?

Cat Plaza #3

2010-04-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

Did you follow through on your New Years Resolution to read Ulysses or Infinite Jest? No? Sorry about that; what you need is a nice easy read to help you through. Introducing Cat Plaza #3. The new issue is 16 pages (because you jokers don't submit work) and costs one dollar. You can expect all the great things you've come to expect from my zine: top-notch short stories, music reviews, show reviews, opinions, and a report on my brief but life-changing encounter with Tommy Wiseau.

Cat Plaza #3 is only available in person or by snail mail. No paypal this time- no one used it and I still sold out of #2s. If you're dead set on acquiring Cat Plaza by snail mail, you should send me 2 dollars, your address, and a fun note. Maybe then I'll consider driving to the post office to accommodate you. Just kidding, I love all my readers near and far.

Summer #1: 30 copies SOLD OUT
Fall #2: 40 copies SOLD OUT (The last copies are gathering dust at Quimby's.)
Spring #3: 50 copies ACT NOW

No reprints ever.

Did You Hear? Sea of Treasures

2010-04-01T00:12:00.000-05:00

A lot of brainiacs tell me they like jazz because they know I like jazz. We start talking, and they tell me all about their obsessions with John Coltrane, the 39 Miles records they got on their computer, the near-mint copy of Take Five they found in the bargain racks. I nod my head and wait for them to leave because they are fucking stupid. You don't like jazz unless you like Sea of Treasures. This is the most ferocious and interesting cult-jazz record out there. The saxophone playing rivals Brick Blackwell's, and several songs boldly predict what jazz will look like in the future (if the right people take it there). You won't find this at Starbucks, people. This is jazz for players; this is jazz for the converted.

Get it here!

Did you hear? Sig Transit Gloria - 2>8>2000

2010-03-28T13:02:00.002-05:00

"Why would I listen to Sig Transit Gloria when there's the Get Up Kids?"

When someone asked this on a message board years ago, I actually considered the question. Sure, 2>8>2000 sounds like Four Minute Mile with synthesizer/ piano, and that sounds like new Get Up Kids, but why not listen to both bands? Think about your computer's specs. Unless you're running a relic from the 80s, you have enough memory to hold mp3-files from both the Get Up Kids and STG. Question answered and problem solved. Sure, imitation can be a bad thing, but not in this case. The STG EP is too fun, energetic, and relevant to not warrant your attention.

You're going to want this record as the weather improves, too. The bounce in "Hello" and "Don't Come In" will put that spring back in your shoes. Another quality I like in pop-punk: voice-maxing. The singer has a high voice, and when he maxes out on the lyric "wanna go home with me?" it really resonates. There are lyrics about girls on this EP, guys.

On "Wide Open Window"- my favorite STG song- the raging verse gives way to that delightful synth/ guitar break and then the chorus. "Wanted to spend the night/ holding you in my/ arms you can't resist/ the warmth of your breath." Yep.

Get it here!

Review: Alkaline Trio - This Addiction

2010-03-25T19:53:00.001-05:00

In the spirit of reviewing new music, I was going to review Yeasayer's Odd Blood. Then I remembered something I hate: Pitchfork.com clone websites. These sites cover the same records and break the same news, but because they have different URLs and sometimes contradict Pitchfork, they're allowed to exist. I'm happy to get news on indie records I'll never listen to from Pitchfork.

I used to run a Pitchfork clone. Just scroll through my archives. I saw that something was wrong and started writing about other bands. My favorite band is Alkaline Trio. Here's how Pitchfork feels about them. My Alkaline Trio tag reveals that I write about them a lot. My favorite music websites cover the Trio a lot. Hence, my favorite music website is my own.

I flamed Agony & Irony because it blows. I expected This Addiction to blow too, but I've been pleasantly surprised. Matt used to be pretty serious about horrorpunk. He's less serious about it now. See: "Draculina." "Dead on the Floor" is reminiscent of "Fuck You Aurora" in tempo and structure. The title track is too cookie-cutter to be truly great, but it's catchy so who really cares?

They had to throw a curveball our way, and they did it by sticking trumpet on "Lead Poisoning." In "Eating Me Alive," the melody comes from synthesizer reminiscent of the one used in the Heavens side project. I like both songs so something must be right.

Don't get me wrong, This Addiction is no Goddamnit, but how could it be? That's my favorite record. Sometimes, though, it's important to stop sifting through the countless flash-in-the-pan indie and punk hype bands to get back to your roots. A Matt Skiba melody is what it is, and his songs are refreshing to hear when you've just sat through "Rome" and "Mondegreen" by Yeasayer.

PS - Compare the cover to GUTG's We're Down. Whoa.

Review: Midlake - The Courage of Others

2010-03-21T17:51:00.002-05:00

I haven't written a new music review in a long time. I don't read them that much anymore, either. I might peak at the number in a Pitchfork review or look at Metacritic to see how people are reacting, but I've found in the last two years that blogs and message boards are far more reliable indicators of what I'll like.

The problem with these music review websites is that they have to fulfill negative-review quotas. Pitchfork, for example (and because it's the most influential site out there, the only 'indie' blog I read), tosses tepid reviews at big-time records about once a month. They also inflate their reviews if the band is coming to their fest that particular year. Since Midlake's new record, The Courage of Others, got a straight-up bad review, I'm coming to its rescue and not expecting them to be at Union Park in July.

The biggest complaint most people have is that the songs are too deliberate, too mid-tempo. A lot of reviewers poke fun at Midlake for carrying out their vision so thoroughly. Isn't that what people liked about The Trials of Van Occupanther? People encouraged them to dive deeper into their sound, and now they're complaining about it. We all know that they are best listened to when stitching pelts. I think their sound is engaging, unique, and worth pursuing. On The Courage of Others, they really nailed it. They out-Fleet-Foxed the Fleet Foxes and other bands with bearded dudes in them. Their pastoral, pre-industrial vision demands these songs to be brooding and slow. Life was slow, life was hard, and there were flutes.

Yes, there are flutes on this record. There are quietly fingerpicked guitars, reserved vocals, and communal harmonies. The organic drums stay out of the way only to take command during climaxes and crescendos. "Fortune" is a great little acoustic number, and "Acts of Man" builds to barely a boil, then subsides.

I wanted another "Roscoe" or "Head Home," but I didn't get one. That's my complaint. Really, that's everyone's complaint even if they didn't come right out and say it. I'm glad to have The Courage of Others, though. I'll be at the Midlake show in May, that is if they can make it to the venue without cracking a wagon axle or dying from dysentery. See? Those jokes are way too easy!

Did you hear? Boilerman - Demo 2010

2010-03-07T12:41:00.004-06:00

To prepare you for the arrival of Cat Plaza Volume 3, I'm uploading Boilerman's new demo tape. I reviewed two of their shows in the upcoming issue, and I want you to hear their music before reading those reviews. I want you to hear the music because it's really good.

Is there a pop-punk revival going on right now or did that end already? I get invited to pop-punk shows on Facebook once in awhile, but no thanks I don't want to see Teenage Bottlerocket live. I do, however, want to see bands that sound like the Broadways. Thus, I always want to see Boilerman.

I like my songs catchy, and I especially like when the catchiness comes from the music. In other words, I'm not a big fan of these power choruses I sometimes hear with like, every member of the band singing along. I understand that this technique can get drunk dudes with mustaches to go wild at your shows, but that's not for me. I prefer speed, buried vocals, and rockin' out instrumental sections (you hear: this). I really like "Boo Radley Game" from 1:13 on and "Whipping Boys" from 2:15 on. I haven't had much of an opportunity to read the lyrics booklet, but I don't think these songs are about girls. If your songs aren't going to be about girls, what do you write about? I don't know, maybe you can help me understand. Politics?

Get it here!
Bandcamp!

Did you hear? Boiling Over - Barriers

2010-02-27T10:46:00.000-06:00

I've been following Boiling Over since their first show, and now two years later they are at their peak. Incidentally, this peak coincides with their end and last show. I hate when bands stick around past their welcome. It's cool to see Boiling Over quit before their inevitable slide into making indie-hardcore with like trumpets and harp and sound bites from obscure documentaries. No way, I don't think those dudes would ever do that.

Tyler (drums) and T.J. (guitar) exist on a transcendent hardcore plane. They share a common brain which has been programmed for hardcore greatness. Check out this old video of them running through a set, honing their craft. They intuitively know where each break and fast part will lead because that's what it's like to be part of a power-duo. What this amounts to on record is tight guitar and drums. You heard it on songs like "Trash City," and it's back on "Pushed to Death."

I'd argue that Barriers even has a swan-song called "On the Fringe." You get the fast section at the top with Pat's mean vocals, and then all hell breaks loose when Joey does his thing on bass and the mid-tempo instrumental part kicks in. Your mosh impulse triggers, and you want to lay waste to this ugly, trashy city.

Get it here!

Ohh damn!

2010-02-26T10:10:00.000-06:00

Get the shirt here!

Did you hear? A New Found Glory - It's All About the Girls

2010-02-19T20:21:00.001-06:00

I write this entry in anticipation of the New Found Glory/ Saves the Day/ Hellogoodbye/ Fireworks show on March 5. The two best bands on the bill (NFG, STD) have put out a lot of records. Of course I like the new records, but what really gets me going is the old stuff. Remember Lisa's Birthday Tape?

NFG hit their stride early. Nothing Gold Can Stay (1999) and New Found Glory (2000) are my two favorite records of theirs, and I'm very fond of Sticks and Stones (2002) too. You gotta remember, I started loving NFG back when I listened to only music of that ilk. NFG was the best at the style. Palm-muting, breakdowns, high-pitched vocals, lyrics about girls, Hurley t-shirts, and Drive-Thru Records.

I'm offering the It's All About the Girls e.p. to you because it's important to see how great bands start. It's a raw and immature record, but there are endearing things about it too. Apparently, samples were big back then, and there are samples galore for just 18 minutes worth of content. The lead guitar part in "My Solution" is a bunch of fun, and I'd argue that "Standstill" is an awesome song. They want so bad for it to be heavy, and they get an A for effort.

Never forget that <2 years later, NFG released Nothing Gold Can Stay. Shows what practice can do.

Get it here!