Thursday, November 26, 2009

Bad Movie Society - Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

The success of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon hinges on how much the audience likes enormous sharks devouring whole life rafts and sexually suggestive dialogue (although how I can call this sexually "suggestive" is beyond me). Like so many other bad films, Shark Attack 3 doesn't get good until the last 30 minutes, but boy are those minutes good. Watching wealthy investors jump into the jaws of a prehistoric shark has never been this satisfying.

Bonus points for the ill-conceived Luis (Bashar Rahal), a party-lovin', cliche-spurtin mess of a character. Very funny. Also note when the movie was made. Navy divers diving, Bush lovers thriving, and shark fans high fiving. God bless America.

Happy Thanksgiving. Next week, bad Christmas movies. Fred Claus anyone?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Cat Plaza #2

The Fall issue is out! 20 pages this time- almost twice as many pages as #1. Inside: a short story from my boy John Wilmes, a beer review from Marc Nardoni, two stories I wrote, concert reviews, opinions you didn't ask for, and more! I brought out the big guns this time around- better layout, better content, and at no additional cost to the reader. Yes, my friends, this issue still costs $1 in person or $2 by mail.

And won't you look at this? I figured out paypal! When you click this button, you will receive your order by mail. Please supply your address. Tell me if the paypal gives you trouble; I've never used it to sell before.

To submit:
Also use my e-mail if you want to give me your mailing address.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Bad Movie Society - Raptor Island

In Raptor Island, Hack (Lorenzo Lamas), Jamie (Hayley Dumond), and comrades get marooned on an island that didn't get the memo about the dinosaurs being extinct. Alas, there are raptors all over it, not to mention their arch-nemesis Azir (Steven Bauer). Their goal, somehow, becomes destroying the raptors by way of explosives. Why not hide in the airplane fusilage until rescue arrives? Good question!

I expected the bad CGI. When Hack shoots raptors, I was reminded of my favorite 90s arcade game. They were ugly and unrealistic. I did not expect the dreadfully long, paint-peeling boringness of Hack and Jamie's conversations. Jesus Christ, go into the minutiae of your pasts why don't you? Didn't ask for that!

Overall, I don't recommend Raptor Island. If you need a taste, watch the first 20 minutes. You'll see the raptors, you'll get a feel for the dialogue, and the characters don't change at all so you don't have to worry about a dynamic ending. How Sci-fi felt this movie acceptable for their channel is a mystery to me. Must be why I don't get it anymore.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Boys Night In

The redux, feat. the original "Boys Night In" + midi-BNI covers of "Nothing Compares 2 U" and "Let's Hear it for the Boy"